so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
