Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
