Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
