At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
