Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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