If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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