so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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