New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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