I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
