Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
