Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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