Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
