She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
