i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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