her vagine was all disorganized.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
