I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she woke up with a sticky ear
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
