i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
