Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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