I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize