I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
