At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
