watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
