The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
