I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
