her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
