I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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