i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
