I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
