discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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