i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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