I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
