I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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