whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
