if i can run in heels then i can drive
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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