His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
