I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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