you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
