all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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