are you still at the devil's house?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
