We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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