k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
