I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
