As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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