Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
