we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
