we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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