I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
