If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
