i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
