They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
