I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
