Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
