Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
