I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
PANTIES FOUND
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
