so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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